Yes, hello Reader!!

I hope you are having a love-filled Venus day AND A VERY SPOOKY HAPPY HALLOWEEN! I trust you are all finding revelrous & apt ways to celebrate Satan's b-earth day: my favorite religious holiday! 🤡 FEED BOTH YOUR CARNAL AND SPIRITUAL OBSESSIONS TODAY, FRIENDS. Oh yeah, and don't forget to chat with your ancestors and dearly departed. Everyone has a boveda, right?

Okay, so I am here to spill the beans about how I recently joined the circus. But first, remember this photo I sent at the end ov Transmisson #2 ?

See that clown piece in the top left corner, there? I am going to show you a selection ov analog collage works ov mine that have clown and circus imagery, peppered throughout below. These are by no means ALL the clown & circus adjacent analog collage works I've created, just a little curation for you since the focus ov this transmission is THE CIRCUS. Everywhere I look: a circus!

Here is that clown piece close up:

Here's another clown-centric collage I made on Mother's Day 8 y-eras ago, which actually has nothing to do with the relationship that I have with my Mothership. I know what narrative I see, but I really am more interested to hear what you see. Do tell.

Coming at you fast with a carnival!

YAY ARTE! Okay, there's more coming but, let's get to the scoop about my current circus circumstances and how I clowned myself into thinking it was my ultimate destiny.

As many ov you know I used to have a really cool gig being the bar manager on an old state ferry that was converted into a massive party boat, music venue and event space. It was mostly VERY cool... but there were some things that made it very NOT cool. Bewildering business story aside, my employment on the raver boat came to an abrupt halt.

A week into my newfound freedom and (f)unemployment, Justin and I boarded a plane heading home to Seattle from Chicago after seeing OASIS play their first US show since 2008 (ᴗ͈ˬᴗ͈)♡. As I was scrolling through service industry job postings I saw a listing for a beloved local dinner theatre/circus/cabaret that was seeking a bar & floor manager. Despite the doubt I'd even be considered, I typed up a quick cover letter and sent them my resume before switching to airplane mode for take off.

By the time we safely landed & my phone service was restored I had an invitation for a job interview in my inbox. I was beyond excited, truly thinking that my DREAM JOB dreams were coming true. I had a maximum kismet moment when I went to their website and saw that the show run I was interviewing for is called "Mr. P.P.'s Playhouse," obviously inspired by Pee-Wee's Playhouse. What made it kismet, is that it just so happens that the profile photo for the platform I used to apply for the job was this all-too-relevant photo below, which I selected initially in the spirit ov: DRESS FOR THE JOB YOU WANT IN THE WORLD:

Well, I got the job I dressed for. Everything felt like a responsive blessing from the universe for walking away from something that was super lucrative but hella toxic. Everything felt like a kismet cosmic aligning. The timing. The interviews. My cool new boss with all the qualities I seek in a professional leader. The easy commute for a wheelless city dweller such as myself. My seasoned bar team. The incredible show with all the immensely talented performers and musicians. I was beyond stoked about the new reality.

Dude, I even get to wear a sick sequined costume everyday to work. I had a total Cinderella moment when I met with our costume department for a fitting and the perfect black and red-lined sequined ring-leader jacket with long coattails existed on their rack ov limited selections. It fits like it was tailored specifically for me, a sparkling spectacle glove to live in for the next 6 months ov my life. This red-lit work-bathroom selfie does not do the jacket justice, but it's the best I've got, so here:

So. That's all...pretty cool and all... I really am so THANKFUL that I found this circus gig... and look, I am not here to step on the universal gift horse's hooves, but you know what I realized?! I totally tricked myself. In the past several y-eras I have managed some ov the coolest music venues, floating event spaces and now the Pee-Wee's Playhouse inspired circus dinner theatre and I am realizing, after working at all the best, that working in bars and venues is actually NOT THE DREAM JOB at all. And you know what? Being a drunk bartender pre-pandemic was WAY more fun & suitable to my priorities than being a sober bar manager post-pandemic.

I have a lot ov love for the industry and all its many perks, but honestly my heart yearns to be a full-time self-employed artist with the freedom to do what I truly feel like I was put on this planet to do. MAKE ART EVERY DAY. And, ideally, I will alchemize that expression into GOLD. It is a big dream and admittedly I have been sleeping on my dreams. I realize if I don't make daily active steps to actualize THE BIG DREAM then it's just not going to happen, so, here I am with weekly transmissions as a magical vehicle for creative discipline, connecting with my tribe in a consistent & meaningful way, manifesting abundance, and actualizing the big dream. WAY cooler than the service industry circus, yeah?

As it stands now, even after my benevolent boss stepped down creating a deafening leadership vacuum (that I respectfully declined filling in order to protect my time, energy & sanity) I plan to stick to my commitment to work at the circus until our show-run ends mid April. But, like... the goal is that I will not need to find another bar gig when my circus job ends and I certainly won't be accepting another salaried position. Lovingly imagine me stepping away from the service industry FOREVER in a fearless pursuit ov making THE BIG DREAM COME TRUE and MAKING IT!...But, please make sure you imagine me escaping Seattle and living blissfully in nature with goats and cats and wild birds and my Bee with a Scissor Temple where I pray to The Muse every day... Thank you for your loving imagination.

In the spirit ov DRESS FOR THE JOB YOU WANT IN THE WORLD, last week I updated my abandoned LinkedIn profile picture to this recent photo, not because I plan on using LinkedIn, but because MAGIC IS REAL:

Honestly, that's all I really feel like sharing about the new gig. Had I composed this transmission a month ago when my excitement for the employment shift was rose-tinting reality, this would have been a much more enthusiastic read. Here I am a month into the circus grind and I'm already disillusioned about it being my dream job. HAHAHA. Bless this rollercoaster circus called life with all its curses disguised as blessings and blessings disguised as curses, with us in the middle fully able to choose which is which. GOD IS A MASTERFUL TRICKSTER AND THE FUNNIEST PERSON I KNOW.

But hey, wanna know what I am REALLY excited to tell you about? The thing that I am OBSESSING over these days is a new piece I am birthing in an intensive 8 week WRKSHOP led by Merlin Bronques, a trusted friend from my NYC club kid daze 20 y-eras ago, who is now FATHER Bronques and runs The Mystery School where he dedicates his time expertly helping creatives get over their biggest obstacle-- themselves. Anyways, it is super cool to once again be guided by someone who was my mentor 20 y-eras ago when I was a completely different version ov myself. So, hey, you can look forward to hearing about something I am TRULY stoked about next week: The ARTE I am birthing presently!

I am thankful for this weird rollercoaster funhouse carnival ride and SO THANKFUL FOR SHARING IT WITH YOU, Reader!

Okay, see you next Friday, my friend!

BIG LOVE

GOLD BLESS YOU

JAI KALI MA!

YOUR FRIENDLY CYBERHOOD NEIGHBOR,

P.S. I am beyond grateful for all the loving and supportive responses I have received after casting out my transmissions. Hearing back from you fucking rules! Speaking ov funny people, the response to TRANSMISSION #3 that made me cackle most was my Uncle Lance saying he believed that HE is actually next in line for "the crown" and threatened to "go Games ov Thrones" on my ass. Typical familial regicide. I had to remind him that primogeniture (the state ov being first born) decrees that first born kiddos are supreme and that he is a lowly second born, the runner up to my firstborn father. Anyways, thanks for the death threat banter, Uncle Lance! You're cool.

P.P.S. Since it is HALLOWEEN I am going to encourage everyone (ESPECIALLY IF YOU HAVE NEVER) to watch this classically cool, OG spooky, live footage from 1964 ov Screaming Lord Sutch singing Jack the Ripper and making all the girls in the audience scream in abject horror.

P.P.P.S. I was interviewed for a podcast this week! Super stoked to be a guest on Rendering Unconscious, an award-winning podcast about psychoanalysis and culture, hosted by Dr. Vanessa Sinclair. I will let you know when my episode is live!

P.P.P.P.S.L.O.L. If you are enjoying these uncensored transmissions and you know any other weirdos who may delight in weekly Arte, music and musings, please send them to hannahhaddix.com to sign up for the alienbroadcast! Or you could just forward them this email. Help me grow my tribe! Surely you can think ov at least one human who belongs here. HELP THEM TUNE IN!

PEACE! 丰HH丰

𓅓 (𓁹𓁿𓁹) 𓃚

---transmission over until next Friday---

Archive: Transmission 1, Transmisson 2 , Transmission 3